her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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