wrigley field is MILF paradise
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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