Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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