we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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