the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
