remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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