Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will be naked everywhere
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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