i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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