i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
