The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
did you just send me my own nude
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...