Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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