I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.