Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
