You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
