Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
worst night to have a conscience
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
