Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!