Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage