Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
