I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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