He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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