oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just tell him i said nine months
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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