Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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