Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
