literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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