He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
