We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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