these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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