I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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