I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
