You made me cry and you don't even care
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
