you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
