I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
