Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
