How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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