I CAN MOONWALK!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
