Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize