i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
