Midget sex pt 2 tonight
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
