oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
