i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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