Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
