Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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