I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
