in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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