I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
