I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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