Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
