What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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