I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
