you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
