I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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