I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
