hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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