$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
