and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
