Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize