i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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