moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Drunk is not a location!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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