Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is my gift to your gina
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
