is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm passing your future prison.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
