Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
