I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
