I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yo dont text me then not text me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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