I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
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My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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