Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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