One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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