This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
