i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
