I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
