the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
