Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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