1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
