party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize