having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
