i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
