Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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