Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
