I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
