do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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