sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
