Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
