she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
