Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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